


What I Never Knew I Needed

by PleaseNotaUsername



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Single Parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 09:10:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18443474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PleaseNotaUsername/pseuds/PleaseNotaUsername
Summary: When he ran into her he never knew where it would lead. He never knew that all his life he was waiting for his red headed neighbour and her son. He never knew what he needed until he fell in love with them. Jily Single parent AU.





	1. A Mouth

**Chapter 1: A Mouth**

 

The apartment next to his is empty. A joyous occasion. Something to celebrate. Sirius is popping champagne and Remus is lecturing him to be careful because they just bought a new couch and Peter is long done, passed out under the table a few hours ago. 

 

Sirius is suggesting a wide range of skip the dishes, and while Remus is trying to get Sirius to pick one place, nothing can be done to talk Sirius out of ordering from as many restaurants as humanly possible.

 

Ms. Prince was an old, angry lady who took way more pleasure in complaining about her two young neighbors and their two friends than was strictly necessary. Sirius like to compare her to a witch, Remus insists she was just lonely, and the last time Peter ran into her he pissed himself right there in the hallway. 

 

Her complaints ranged from their Christmas lights were to festive, their music too loud, Sirius' long showers apparently "drained all the hot water in the building, how am I supposed to relax with no hot water!" after the image of Ms. Prince in the shower was ingrained in all their minds Sirius started to run the water even when he was showering, despite Remus' concerns for the environment. 

 

But none of that mattered now, because she was gone, they were free from her dirty glares, horrendous perfume, and lectures about sex, something he will never unhear. The doorbell rang and Sirius ran to see what driver had arrived first and suddenly there was a shout of despair and a crash. He looked at Remus exhaustedly, wondering what on earth would Sirius be making a big deal about now. He jogged to the front door "Sirius I swear if you dropped the wings…" but the threat went unfinished because he says what Sirius was staring in horror at.

 

Behind the very confused Skip delivery man was a big red sold sign across his neighbor's door. 

 

XXX

 

His beautiful world had come crashing down with that sold sign. Every day for the next week he waited to get a peek of his new neighbor. His new neighbor who probably hated pizza complained about health care, enjoyed opera early in the morning, stealing newspapers, and gobbled up children in their spare time. 

 

Remus said he was being dramatic, but he didn't know the horror of having horrible neighbors. He didn't know the pain of having to walk up five flights of stairs just to avoid the elevator or having to sneak girls out quietly in the morning because if Ms. Prince saw them leaving a lecture about whorish millennials was sure to follow. The pure agony of sitting there with a pizza box, physically watching your supper get cold, while Ms. Prince lectured on how no one appreciated a good home cooked meals anymore. He was not being dramatic.

 

And then one Friday afternoon he sees their neighbors door open and she is nothing like he imagined. 

 

XXX

 

He runs into her in a hallway. She is clutching a box to her chest and her face is pink, and what a beautiful face it was. Pale skin flushed bright pink, almond-shaped green eyes, and a mass of red curls that he wants to tug and see if they bounce back. She smells like flowers and her shocked expression brings attention to her mouth. A mouth that is pink and looks soft, a mouth that he is sure says the most wonderful things. A mouth that he is ashamed to say he thinks about kissing that mouth, a mouth he is sure does wonders pressed against his mouth, and he would go to the grave before admitting this, he thinks about that mouth wrapped around other things. A mouth that would look amazing sighing, or open in pleasure, a mouth he imagines moaning his name. That mouth that opens to reveal a voice like an angel. 

 

"Lord, I am so sorry!" She is out of breath and after they both settled themselves from their run in he offers her an easy smile.

 

"No problem" he blurts it out like a fool because god this woman is magnificent and he feels his ears burning up, but he can't take his eyes off of her because surely she will disappear. His eyes shoot to the box, a box that probably bigger than her and he stutters out "Help?"

 

She looks at him like he has lost his mind and raises one curious if not amused, eyebrow at him and he feels like a right idiot but continues on anyway "I mean did you want help? It's a pretty big box and…" he trails off but not because of embarrassment, okay a little embarrassment, but because a bright smile has overtaken her face and she gave him a relieved nod. 

 

The box is, as he assumed, incredibly heavy but he pays little attention to it because she, this red-headed angel of a woman, is speaking in an all to musical voice "My names Lily by the way."

 

A pretty name for a pretty girl, he thinks and it isn't until her eyes widen and her smile grows that he realizes he has said this out loud. Suddenly all he can think about is shoving his foot into his mouth and walking back into his apartment in shame, trying to drown himself in cheap beer, and calling his mother to explain that despite her insistent pleas for grandchildren she will not be getting any because he is an idiot and made a fool of himself in front of the most beautiful women he has ever met. 

 

Just as he was mapping out how that inevitable argument with his mother might go, he is very sure she will threaten to disown him because Euphemia Potter does not tolerate messing about with her potential to be a grandmother, Lily speaks. Her cheeks are flushed, but there is a chance he thinks that this is not because of the heavy box, and says "Is there something I can call you?" 

 

And if it were humanly possible he would shove both feet into his mouth he would. He tries to salvage what is left of this meeting, taking a deep breath, "James, James Potter. It's really nice to meet you Lily, I take it your my new neighbor?" He sets the box down as she nods, confirming his assumption, dear lord he gets to live by this beautiful women and while today might have not been his day he is sure he can fix this at some point. He offers her a newly freed hand and when her soft, pale, small hand is firmly clasped in his he finally calms down.

 

That beautiful mouth of hers opens again, and he is so ready to hear her musical voice again when they are interrupted by someone pushing on his legs. A baby, just old enough to toddle looks like, is his pushing in between them and soon those to chubby baby arms are around Lily's legs and the small, black-haired boy is screeching "Mama!" 

 

**XXX**

 

**Authors Note:**

 

Thanks to everyone for reading! I'm really excited to work on my first multichapter. Feel free to review, I'd be more than happy to answer questions and discuss your theories about this story if you drop by on my Tumblr to ask (pleasenotausername).

 

Please Not a Username

  
  
****


	2. Dreams

**Chapter 2: Dreams**

 

He watched in shock, pure hit in the balls unexpectedly, coffee poured onto you when your driving, a book falls off the shelf and hit you in the head shock. As Lily, the women who in the span of 5 minutes made him into a bumbling fool, swung her arms down and snatched the little baby up and pressed him close to her chest, nope stop looking at her chest, and snuggled the little boy close.

 

He watched as she cooed to the little boy and kissed the top of his head before her attention turned back to him. She gave him a shy smile before saying "James this is my baby Harry."

 

And as he stared at the chubby-cheeked, green-eyed, drooling baby, he felt hope slip away. However he still righted himself and tried to offer a genuine smile, one that clearly said shit you have a child, and he waved at the little boy who immediately turned shy and ducked his head back into the comfort of his mother's neck. She swayed from side to side as she continued to talk about how excited she was to be living there and how the price for the apartment was so good.

 

She was so excited, she was practically radiating happiness so he smiled and carried the box into his new neighbor's apartment. He offered to help carry up the rest as well and he watched, with some bitterness, as a happy flush spread over her face. So she out Harry back into the pram and the two of them walked down the stairs to the moving truck and spent the next hour running boxes up to his new neighbor's apartment. A beautiful neighbor, with soft looking skin, a mouth that called him like a siren, a smile that lit up a room, curves that begged to be traced, a musical voice that calmed his soul, and who had a baby. A baby.

 

So as he set the last box down into her apartment, smiled and nodded at her thank yous he resolved not to think about this new neighbour, Lily, anymore. He would be friendly, watch her apartment if she went away, hold the elevator for her, but he would not do anymore. He would be neighborly and that, he promised himself, was that.

 

XXX

 

Then he dreamed of her.

 

As he woke up sweating, uncomfortably hot, and predictably hard he rationalized that it was normal. It has been a while since he had been with anyone and he just met someone very attractive, it was normal to respond to that.

 

So when he dreamed of Lily falling back onto his bed, her hands twisted in his hair, and him touching those alluring curves, he disregarded it. He was awake now and as he was trying to calm his breathing he thought about his dream. His dream where he touched every part of Lily that was hidden by the sundress she was wearing earlier today. He dreamed about how soft her skin was, how her hands grabbed his shoulders or her nails dug into his back. He imagined his head between her legs and finding out if she tasted as sweet as she looked. He dreamt of her squeezing him like a vice and hearing her sigh out his name.

 

But it was just a dream, a dream caused by his pent up frustration, nothing that couldn't be fixed with a cold shower. And at 3 in the morning as he stepped under the freezing spray in his bathroom he resolved to go out with Sirius to a club soon and find someone to take his mind off of Lily.

 

XXX

 

The next morning he left his apartment and once he locked his door his eyes found Lily. She was balancing Harry on her hip, a diaper bag, a purse on her shoulder, coffee mug on the floor, and she was trying to lock the door with her free hand. Trying being the main word. He cleared his throat to gain her attention and those green eyes, the ones that haunted his dreams last night, snapped up to meet him and he saw a happy smile across her pretty face as soon as she recognized him.

 

He smiled back at her before looking at the baby in her arms, telling himself he was just being neighborly he said "These locks are tricky, you probably need two hands to lock the door," and her answering grin was so bright he swore his heart melted just a little, and before he knew it he was holding his arms out and saying "I can hold Harry while you lock the door."

 

When he saw hesitance for the first time grace her features his mind worked double time to backtrack, but before he could we watched in shock as he hesitantly handed Harry over to him, and before he knew it she was back to locking the door, this time with both hands, and he was holding a baby.

 

He looked down at the baby in his arms who was offering him a toothless smile and grasping his tie with both hands. Harry tugged his tie lightly and released a high pitch squeal of joy at the blue checkered fabric. He, unconsciously, found himself smiling at the giggling baby in his arms, and when he looked up he found Lily smiling at them both, her door securely locked.

 

And as he passed her back Harry he found himself walking with her to the elevator and riding it down with her. They parted ways in the lobby as he headed to his car and headed towards the law firm he worked at. While Lily, as he learned, headed towards her own car to go to Harry's daycare and then to the hospital where she worked.

 

And soon he found himself in a type of routine. He would exit the apartment in the morning and meet Lily outside her own. He would hold Harry, while she locked her door, they would ride the elevator together and part ways, he would say goodbye, and Lily and Harry would wave goodbye.

 

When the boys found out about his and Lily's interactions he found himself defending his actions. Peter looked ill and when he said "You're going after a bird with a baby?" Remus smacked him. Sirius looked like Christmas had come early and made a horrid amount of daddy jokes. And as he sat there defending himself he found himself saying "I'm just being neighborly."

 

At the time he truly thought he meant it.

 

XXX

 

The dreams didn't stop. He was to busy at the office to go out and find someone to work out his desires with. So, early morning cold showers became a biweekly thing. They were usually the same dreams. Her skin and his hands. Her breathy whispers as she squeezes him tight. He dreams about her in a multitude of different positions, but the one he finds himself most often dreaming about is when she is on her back facing him, and all he sees are her green eyes.

 

He justifies it though because they are just sex dreams. He doesn't dream about holding her hand, driving in the same car, or sharing a meal together. They are just sex dreams, so he ignores them, as much as he can. Because they are just neighbors and that's what he tells himself when one night he finds himself at the club with Sirius. He ignores Remus' curious looks when he dances with a pretty blonde girl named Annie. Then he finds himself pressing Annie against his apartment door and trailing kisses all over her tan skin. He doesn't remember falling into bed with her but he recognizes the feeling of pure relief when he pushes into her. And when, with his eyes closed, he imagines green eyes and soft red hair instead of Annie's blue and blonde he finds himself hitching her leg around his waist and going harder. Trying to lose himself in this women who was with him right now, trying to stop seeing red and green.

 

The next morning when he and leaves his house he can't stop the shame that he feels when Lily hands him Harry so she can lock the door. He ignored the burning feeling in his gut when Annie walked out of his apartment and thanks him for the great night before. He refuses to look at Lily as Annie pecks him on the cheek, he tries not to flinch when her lips touch him and walk away. When Lily coughs his eyes flash to her face when he hands Harry back to her he can't help but notice how the smile she gives him doesn't reach her eyes. The elevator ride was as silent as it was awkward and when they went their separate ways she didn't look back when he called out a hesitant "Goodbye".

 

XXX

 

When he got home that night all he wanted was to relax, have a beer, watch football, and not think about Lily. But halfway through opening a beer there was a knock on his door. He should have known, the signs were all there. However, he didn't think twice when Sirius shouted "James get the door!" And then he was face to face with a drooling, smiling baby and his redheaded mother. He didn't know what was happening but luckily, lucky-ish, Sirius slid his way to the front door and after his friends gave him a shark-like grin. He spoke, all too innocently, "Didn't I mention we were babysitting tonight James?" His eyes widened as he looked in disbelief at Sirius before glancing back to Lily who refused to meet his eye and noticed she was holding a large baby bag beside her.

 

Without waiting any longer she handed him to James automatically, but only spoke to Sirius when she said "He has already eaten but he might be hungry again before I get back, everything you need is in his bag," she paused and glanced at him before dragging her eyes back to Sirius "Thanks for offering to watch him."

 

Then with an astounding amount of grace walked back out his door as he stood there in shock. He was still standing their when Sirius poked Harry in the belly, making him giggle, and said "I ran into her on my home today and she mentioned she didn't have a babysitter tonight, so obviously I offered up our services," he paused and slung Harry's baby bag over his shoulder flicking up one well-groomed eyebrow he continued in a smug all to knowing voice "I know how much you value being neighborly." Without saying anything else he dropped Harry's bag on the kitchen table and walked back to the living room. A small tap on his face made him look down and he was met with Harry's innocent, smiling face and he stared down at the baby before walking, as if in a trance, into the living room.

 

XXX

 

His night was a whirlwind of Harry. Crying, laughing, smiling, poking, and squealing with unbridled joy. He didn't remember much of the night besides playing, dirty diapers that would have made the stoniest face lawyers he knows cringe, trying to feed him baby food, and enough vomit that it reminded him of his earliest partying days. One moment he was chasing the toddler around with a washcloth, and although Harry can barely walk as it is catching him was a right pain, but the next moment Sirius was waking him up. He glared at his mate in his sleepy trance and blinked a couple of times as he adjusted to the light.

 

"Lily's here to pick him up mate," was all he said before he walked back to the front door. It occurred to him then why Sirius woke him up because as he took in his surroundings he saw a tiny head full of black hair curled into his chest. Harry's one arm was around his neck while the other hand's thumb was in his mouth, and when he tried to move gently so he wouldn't wake him Harry just gurgled and, like a sleeping kitten, nuzzled into him. And for the first time that night, he didn't want this babysitting job to be over.

 

XXX

 

Her breathy gasps were filling his ears, and his fingers dug into her hips. His teeth tugged at her lower lip once more before gliding along her jaw, and his hips thrust into her when she moaned as he sucked against her pulse point. "God James please, please" each word she whispered was breathy and full of need and it was her voice that made him pull back. He kissed her once more, quick on the lips, before trailing his lips along her neck, between her breasts, down her stomach and just when he was about to peel off her underwear he heard a baby cry.

 

He gave a huffed laugh and Lily groaned beneath him as he heaved himself off of her and she said "I'll get him this time". He watched as she pulled on a nightshirt and walked out of the room, hips swinging in a way that was truly hypnotizing. He raised an eyebrow in surprise when, not a moment later, she returned to the room but not alone. She gave a bashful smile that made his trousers tighter if that was even possible. He smiled however when she spoke, "He wanted his daddy." His heart glowed as she passed him their little boy and he looked into Harry's green eyes.

 

He got up and said "I'll go put him back to bed then," and then as he stood up he gave her a wink and as she laid back down in their bed, red hair fanning out, and continued "but I am not done with you yet Love."

 

Then he woke up, gasping for air. And as he walked to the shower and turned on cold water that night he thought to himself _that was different._

 

**XXX**

 

**Authors Note:**

 

Thanks for reading everyone! I would appreciate it if you left some reviews and comments either on here or my Tumblr (pleasenotausername)!

 

Please Not a Username

  



	3. Time

**Chapter 3: Time**

 

The interactions with Lily in the following days were guarded at best. She seemed quieter and closed off then she was those first few weeks. He, on the other hand, was just trying to keep himself together. He replayed every interaction they had, every conversation, each joke, every giggly squeal from Harry, and every dream. He tried to pinpoint the moment his feelings changed when things started to mean more than just lust driven dreams. Eventually, it all came back to the day after Annie. The look on Lily’s face, his guilt, and spending time with Harry is what changed things. 

 

He didn’t know how to feel. Usually, when he fancied a girl he would just ask her out. But this was different… Lily was different, she had a baby. Everything was so complicated. Lily had responsibilities, she had to look out for Harry. Their relationship, if they ever had one, would not be the light and breezy relationship most people in their early 20’s had. It would be a serious relationship with high stakes because there was more to consider than just him and Lily. What if they didn’t work out? What if they did? Was Harry’s father even still in the picture?

 

He just needed time so he could think about this properly. He needed to know if she was involved, he needed to figure out if he really wanted to be in a relationship with her, he needed a game plan for if he decided to go with it. He just needed time. Time, however, was not something he was granted. Because with all these thoughts in his head he walked into the hallway and ran into Lily. 

 

When he felt her body crash into his unexpectedly he didn’t think about the pain in his foot, or how her elbow jammed into his side. He thought about how he was able to smell her perfume, and as he grasped her arms to steady her he felt soft skin. When her head collided into his chin he didn’t think of the pain, okay he did a little, but mostly felt that read hair he dreamed and tried not to nuzzle against her. 

 

Then all too soon she was gone, and not just from his arms. With the briefest of apologies, she was gliding away into her flat. Before he thought twice he shouted out “Wait!” She stalled in the doorway and turned, reluctantly, to meet his eyes. He stood there staring at her. Pale skin, navy blue dress that clinched at the waist, and her red hair was a mass of curls that just begged for his hands to sink into. He didn’t want time, he wanted her. He stepped towards and his voice was rough when he said “I just…” and when no words came to mind he coughed and ran his hands agitatedly through his hair. She looked confused and he understood why, he wasn’t making much sense but he just needed to keep her around him for a little longer while he figured out what exactly to say, and then it came to him “I really enjoyed watching Harry last night.” By the sheer grace of God that made her smile and she let out a little laugh, and that gave him the courage to continue speaking. “Really he is a great kid anytime you need a babysitter I’m available,” good he is in control, he’s being smooth, no major mess-ups, “available in more ways than one.”

 

Spoke too soon. His face was flushed and his eyes bugged out of his head, or at least it felt like they did, he didn’t really just say that there is no way. When he looked at Lily though it was clear that yes, he did say that because her eyes were wide and her skin was flushed. Shit, oh shit, shit, shit. He tried to go into recovery mode, just be charming he thought to himself, talk about Harry or work, coffee, maybe the weather “Is Harry’s dad still in the picture?” Lily made a choked sound and stared at him like he had three heads and Jesus he fucked up. What was wrong with him? What happened to thinking through his feelings? Or taking his time? This was not taking his time, he was screwed so monumentally, catastrophically screwed. 

 

But then she was talking, she didn’t look at that happy with him but at least she was talking to him. “No he’s not,” her eyes were downcast and she sounded skeptical of him and it was clear she was hesitant about talking about this with him. “He knows about Harry and everything, but he wasn’t ready to be a dad and quite honestly I just don’t think he is the type of person who would want to be.” He was relieved, okay Harry’s dad wasn’t in the picture, he could work with this, he just needed to reel himself in, no more speaking without thinking. “James…” she was looking at him hesitantly now and he realized he wasn't completely in the clear.

 

He gave a  quick smile and quickly said “Sorry that was rude, I’ll see you tomorrow.” When she offered him a hesitant wave goodbye before she went back into her apartment. As he turned towards the elevator he couldn't get the look on her face in those last moments of their conversation out of his mind. She had looked at him like she didn't know him and it just occured to him when the elevator doors closed that in reality, she didnt. He dreamed about her, thought about her, knew how he felt about her, she probably never came him a second thought after they parted ways in the morning. But then he remembered Lily’s face when she saw Annie with him. Remembering her distant looks and her unwillingness to meet his eyes. He now recognized what could have been the beginning of jealousy, and as he walked towards his favorite coffee shop he felt a little more helpful. 

 

XXX

 

Over the next few weeks, he didn’t push, he just talked to her. Every morning he held Harry while she locked the door, it was awkward the first few days after his hallway outburst but soon they returned to a normal rhythm. They talked about work, friends, their mutual hatred of the landlord. Those 5 minutes with her every morning were soon becoming the best part of his day and he wanted more...God, he wanted more, but he waited and he would continue to wait. Then one day she was talking about how excited she was because Mary, her best friends from college, was coming to visit next month. It was then, he realized, just how lonely she must have been this past month after moving to a new city and not knowing anyone. So without thinking, like he so often does around her, he offered “The boys and I are going to the bar tonight, you can come with us, I’ll call Frank and ask him to get Alice to come too. You’d like her Lils, shes really nice I'm sure you'd get on.”

  
  


“That's really sweet James, but I couldn't impose like that, really I’m fine,” but even as she said it he saw how much her eyes had lightened up at his suggestion.

 

He brushed off her concerns and poked Harry, who was being held tightly in her grasp, in the belly so he giggled “Really Lily you should come, get a babysitter for this munchkin, and we can drive over together.”

 

When the elevator doors opened and they walked out Lily’s smile was no longer hidden and a full, breathtaking grin was spread over her face and she said “I’ll have to call my babysitter and see if she can come over…” she trailed off but the hope was there and that's all he needed.

 

Pulling out his phone he said, “Just text me when you figure it out.” Then her hands were brushing his as she reached for his phone and typed her number into it. Then as he walked towards his car he smiled.

 

XXX

 

**From: Lily Evans**

**To: James Potter**

**Hey, Cindy said she could watch Harry tonight, so if your offer still stands I’m free to come!**

 

He grinned, ignoring the assistant who was currently trying to get his attention, Lexi he thinks her name is and responds with a kind of gusto he hasn't felt in a long time.

 

**From: James Potter**

**To: Lily Evans**

**Sounds good! We can drive together. Meet you in the hallway at 7**

 

He ignored the urge to put a winky face or something more flirtatious. This was about time. This was all about time.

 

XXX

 

**Authors Note:**

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Please review I would love to hear your thoughts!

 

Please Not a Username

  
  



	4. Chances

**Chapter 4: Chances**

 

She was nervous, and he could obviously tell. Going out to the bar with him and his friends was something she needed to do, she knows she needed to. She needs to make some friends because as much as she loves Harry, and she loves him more than anything in the world, she needs adult contact. So here she is at a bar with James, Sirius, and their friends, all virtual strangers. When they sat around the table all talking about college, high school, and their jobs together she felt alone even in a room of people. For the first time, she was regretting coming out with them. Then as Alice when telling a story about Frank's overbearing mother and Franks was defending her, James draped an arm over the back of her chair.

 

She glanced at him and she smiled hesitantly when he leaned over to her so no one could overhear them "You doing okay?" His whispered tone gave her goosebumps, and when she looked at his face, tan, easy smile, brown eyes behind large chunky glasses she felt okay.

 

"Yeah," she used the same quiet tone, "Yeah I'm okay." So when his arm dropped from the back of her chair to around her shoulders and he went back to the conversation at hand she felt a little less alone. As the night progressed and beers were drunk, stories were told, and James' arm stayed wrapped around her shoulder warm and comforting. Suddenly she was glad she took this opportunity, that shes meeting these people, and that she was taking a chance.

 

XXX

 

He watched her all night. The night started off slowly, Lily just sat in their crowded booth as they all talked. She smiled, nodded, and sat in the booth silently. He saw her picking at her nails and looking into her lap. He saw awkward smiles instead of the beautiful light up a room one he saw in the mornings. He watched as she sipped her beer, but never really seemed to enjoy it. He just wanted her to be happy and have fun. He wanted to hear her laugh and he wanted to see the smile that knocked him dead onto his feet. All he wanted was to see her as lively as when she was with Harry. So he took a chance and leaned in close to her profile. And whispered in a low tone  "You doing okay?" 

 

He watched as she looked at him for a moment before she responded in just a low tone that sent his heart pounding and made his palms sweaty. "Yeah," and she paused "Yeah I'm okay." So he gathered all his courage and moved his arm so it was wrapped tight across her shoulders. Soft skin beneath his fingertips.

 

After that he watched her slowly open up, he watched her laugh with Sirius, bond with Remus, make planes with Alice for later that week. She came out of her shell. The dead funny, smart, outgoing girl he saw glimmers of in the hallway was coming out. With every conversation, joke, or drink she was becoming more and more part of their night and he couldn't be happier about it. This girl, who stole his breath, looked like an angel and was the best part of his days, was slowly becoming more and more of a reality. Someone he wanted, someone he could spend time with, someone who meant something. And as he sat there and watched her snort her laughter into her beer, he truly knew he had to give this a go, he had to do everything in his power to get this girl to give him a chance. 

 

XXX

 

The ride home was quiet. He hadn't moved his arm away from her all night, and when they got up to leave that didn't change. While they walked out of the bar his arm kept her anchored to his side. He was hopeful that the flush spread over her cheeks was a good thing, and she didn't pull away from him so he slowly felt more confident. Holding on tightly to his confidence on their relationship progressing, he didn't mind the quiet car ride, he didn't think much of it when she started into the building without him, and he didn't question it when she moved into the corner of the elevator. 

 

However, when they stopped in front of her apartment and she as unlocking it, she was still silent so he tried to break the silence. "I'm glad you got on with my mates," he tried to catch her eyes but it was useless as she was staring determinedly at her shoes. 

 

She nodded her head and for the first time since leaving the bar, it looked like she might be smiling. "Yeah they were really nice, I'm excited to see Alice later this week too, thanks for inviting me." With that, she tried to exit into her apartment just as he stepped forward and reached out to her murmuring her name. She looked awkward as she stepped away from his outstretched arms and he stared at her for a moment before dropping them. They stood in the hallway, her door unlocked but not yet open, as they stared at each other. He watched her chest rise and fall as she took a deep breath and she raised her head to meet his eyes and her voice was slightly pitying when she said: "James look…" And with those words he felt his hope leave his chest, his eyes closed as he took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes again she was looking at him, and he felt tense up. His shoulders tightened, he dropped his hands and clenched his fists, and felt his face close up. He stood there as the girl he fancied, who made his heart thump loudly, who he looked for every morning unofficially rejected him. If Lily noticed his tense position she didn't let on and instead she continued "You're a great friend and I really appreciate you inviting me out tonight but-"

 

He cut her off with a puffed laugh. This hurt, he barely knew this girl, but God this hurt. He was angry too. He tried so hard. Yes, he made mistakes but this girl made his insides turn to jelly, he couldn't think straight around her, he couldn't form a coherent sentence in her presence, how was he supposed to be effortlessly charming when he felt like he couldn't breath when she was around. His voice was cold, probably colder then it should have been considering it's not like she ever gave him signs she was into him "I thought we were getting on tonight-" and it looked like she was going to interrupt him so he said, "Just don't Lily, don't." He turned around as started towards his door but he turned around suddenly and continued "Why?" She was in her apartment now and was closing her door but she paused and looked at him, waiting to see if he continued. "We get along, you get along with your mates, I'm crazy about you-"

 

She interrupted him "You don't know me, James" her tone was kind but firm and it was her tone if anything that spurred him on. 

 

"Harry's a great kid and we get along fine…… So why?" He stood there waiting for her to answer him, he needed this he needed to know why she wouldn't give him a chance. Because what he said was true. He cared about her and Harry, they got along, and he knew, KNEW, she must have felt something for him because he knew he didn't imagine that fact that she was jealous of Annie. 

 

She stared at him for a moment before saying "I have a baby James." 

 

She said it like she couldn't believe he had to ask why. She said it like a fact or something he was not aware of that fact. He rolled his eyes "Wow, I hadn't noticed." His tone was sarcastic and he sounded all too bitter, but he couldn't help it. 

 

She looked angrier after his outburst but she forcibly kept her voice soft "I don't have the time for anything else. My life revolves around Harry, he is everything, James. I just- I can't do more right now." For the first time since this horrid rejection started he calmed down, and he looked at her - really looked at her - and he could see how this wasn't easy for her either. Whether it was because she really did care for him and it hurt rejecting him, or because they were friends and it was hard rejecting him for that reason. He breathed deeply and tried to calm down and he walked away from his door and towards her own. 

 

"I know.. I know that you have a lot on your plate Lils but I thought we were getting on tonight," he paused "I thought you might've…" he trailed off and shrugged his shoulders. She walked out of her apartment and reached out and touched his arm, and her touching him, even like this, felt so good it made this whole ordeal all the worse.

 

"I know!" It was blurted out spontaneously, but she lowered her voice and stepped forward "We were James. I had such a great time tonight, and you were so sweet, you always are. But when we were sitting in the car ride-" and then it all clicked for him, all the signs that he should've picked up on. "I thought I could, I thought maybe…." she trailed off like she was in a trance but she seemed to shake herself out of it and continued "In the car ride everything just caught up to me, and I just can't." Her hand slid down his arm until she grabbed his hand and held it tightly.  "It's stupid cause we don't know each other all that well, but you make me laugh and you're like the only friend I've made since I've moved to this city, and I just I don't know," they were holding hands and standing close. 

 

"So give me a chance Lils, it doesn't have to be something big, just coffee, let's go out for coffee." He was close to begging and it was slightly pathetic but he knew he had to because since she grabbed his hand he hadn't been able to breathe properly and he would give his right leg if it meant he got to hold more of her.

 

"James, can't we just-" she took a deep breath "can't we just be friends? I need this, I need some friends, some stability, and I just can't do a relationship right now." 

 

As he looked into her green eyes, God they were so green, he nodded but he wasn't letting go. "You got yourself a deal Evans," he said it playfully and it was a relief to feel the easy air come back and the tenseness leave them. He turned their hand-holding into a handshake, and the goofy deal binding gesture made that smile that shook him to his core appear on her face. But when they stopped shaking hands he suddenly pulled her close, so close their noses were touching. Her eyes were wide and shocked and it seems she didn't know what had just happened. So he quickly said "A deal for now at least," and before she could offer a rebuttal he dropped down and kissed her -although it was only on the forehead- and as he stood there, so close to her, his lips pressed to her forehead all he felt was a sense of rightness. As he pulled away and when it looked like Lily was going to chastise him, he quickly whispered: "A friends kiss." 

 

She stared at him but slowly nodded her head and she said it, what he was proud to say, a breathy voice "I'll see you tomorrow morning then."

 

He grinned nodded and returned "Tomorrow."

 

XXX

 

**Authors Note:**

 

Thanks for reading please leave a review!!!

 

Please Not A Username

  
  
  



	5. Friends(ish)

Chapter 5: Friends(ish) 

He laid in bed that night after leaving Lily at her apartment while thinking about their conversation. She liked him, she liked him enough to consider giving him a chance before having to talk herself out of it. It hurt being rejected, his heart still had a faint ache, but she cared, she called him her friend, and she liked him. Ignoring the fact she didn't want to do anything about it, he was sure he could convince her otherwise, but for now, friends would work. Friends who fancied each other. Friends who knew the others liked them. Friends who wanted to be more. And as he drifted off to bed he dreamed of her. 

He dreamed about making pancakes on lazy Sunday mornings. About Harry smashing pancakes into his face as he giggled in delight. About spinning Lily around in a little dance to whatever the radio was playing that morning. He dreamed of kissing her and tasting the maple syrup from breakfast, about her pulling his head down so she could whisper in his ear. He dreamed of her lips, soft and full, brushing against his ear as she whispered about other things they could do with maple syrup. He dreamed about what those other things might entail. He dreamed of wiping Harry’s face clean and picking him up out of the highchair. He imagined handing him off to Sirius, who was babysitting. Dreamt of doing all those other things with syrup to Lily, on Lily, whichever really. 

But then he woke, and he didn't know what to feel. Relief or disappointment at being woken up? Relief because these dreams, as amazing as they were, were disrupting his sleep. Or disappointment because he wanted it to be real. He wanted more than anything to be able to hold Lily, wake up with her in his arms, play with Harry and watch him grow. After their conversation, the night before that dream more than anything broke his heart, because he wanted so badly for it to happen. But she liked him, he knew she did, she all but said it the night before. He just needed to wait, because some things are worth waiting for. As he thought of Lily. Sweet, stubborn, funny, achingly beautiful Lily with her sweet little baby, he knew they were worth it. 

XXX

The next day he avoided any awkwardness by making the first move. He meets them outside their door like normal but instead of holding Harry right away he leaned over and squeezed her hip as he whispered hello. Her eyes looked at him in suspicion but he just smiled, warm, approachable, friendly. Because they were friends, but he was playing the long term game. She needed a friend, he new that, but one day when she was ready maybe they’d be more. So he was friendly but affectionate, so maybe, probably, hopefully when she was ready for a relationship she might consider him. 

So he released her hip, smiled and held his arms out for Harry so she could lock the door. Walked with her to the elevator but instead of going their separate ways like they normally would he walked her to her car, tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear, tried to not think about how much more of her he wanted to touch, and told her he hoped she had a good day before he set off in the opposite direction towards his own vehicle. 

XXX

That night he was sitting in the living room, Sirius on the couch opposite of him, when he heard a crash in the hallway. Odd, but nothing too alarming to warrant anything but a shared glance between him and Sirius. But when he heard a female voice swear and the loud wailing of a baby he was standing up off the couch and was opening his one door before Sirius could finish his shout of “James?!”

By then he was already in the hallway and was in a state of shock of the sight he saw before him. Harry’s face was bright red, and fat tears were streaming down his face as he cried. Lily’s face was red, her body tense, and when she saw him standing there she secretly tried to sweep up the few tears that were gathering in her eyes. Harry’s diaper bag was laying on the ground, their apartment door was open, and Harry was clenched tightly in Lily’s arms. “Jesus...Lil, what happened?” He reached for Harry so he could hold him while she locked the door, but instead of passing him off as she did in the morning Lily clutched Harry tighter to her and kissed the top of his fuzzy head. 

“We’re - everything is fine James,” at his dubious look something seemed to break in her and suddenly she was angry, luckily though not at him. “I just need-” She slammed the hand not holding Harry into her door, “this fucking door to close.” Without asking he grabbed the keys from her clenched fist and locked the door. As soon as the click of the lock sounded he heard Lily, his sweet Lily, exhale. Her face was still red, she still had moist eyes, and Harry was still crying. But her shoulders seemed a little less tense now that the door was locked. He stepped closer and grabbed the diaper bag that was lying discarded on the floor. 

He stepped closer and ran his hand down her free arm, trying to comfort and soothe her more than anything. His voice was soft and low and Lily seemed to lean into him when he spoke next “Seriously Lil, what's wrong?” A gentle squeeze on the hand he was holding lightly in his seemed to snap her out of the trance she was in and her attention snapped from the upset baby in her arms to him. He saw her swallow hard before she unlinked her fingers from his and reached for the diaper bag on his shoulder, and quickly walking towards the elevators. 

The only acknowledgment that she heard him was the frantically whispered sentence “He’s got a really bad fever.” Then before he knew it, his feet were moving forward and he joined them in the elevator just as the doors were about to close. She glanced at him, confused, scared, stressed, soon her eyes locked back onto Harry. However, when he grabbed the diaper bag from her shoulder, he felt her hand grazed his before she lightly twisted their fingers together and didn't let go until they got into her car.

XXX

They got to the hospital and he had barely stopped the car when Lily had leaped out of her seat, unbuckled Harry and was running into the hospital. He grabbed the diaper bag before running after them. They didn’t wait long before the crying baby was gently taken from Lily’s arms from a serious looking nurse and wisked away. So they sat there in the waiting room, he quietly tapped his foot and looked at the TV in front of him, as Lily tried to discreetly whip away her tears. Soon after though they days stress must have caught up to her, because soon her head was drooping on his shoulder. He let her sleep for a few hours before he gently stood up, and replaced his shoulder with his bunny hug to cushion her head as he headed to the cafeteria to get some coffee.

When he finally got back to her he set his coffee down, but kept his and gently shook her shoulder until she stirred. He gently helped her up she could stretch before he offered her the warm tea in his hand. She stared at the tea in his hand for a short moment, but it felt like an eternity. When her eyes snapped up to his he was sure he had done something wrong. He racked his brain trying to think about what he could have possibly done, but then just one moment later the tea was knocked out of his hand, her arms were around his neck and her lips were on his. 

No amount of dreams, fantasies, or wishing could have prepared him for what it would be like when they finally, finally kissed. He likes to think that he immediately kissed her back, that he kissed her so sweetly that she fell as hard for him as he had for her. But the truth, the honest to God truth was he floundered. He stood there, eyes open, mouth still for far too long, and his arms sung about his sides unsure of where to go. But she didnt flounder at all. Her one arm was warpper around his shoulders while the other tangled in his hair, her lips were, warm, soft, full, and eveything he dreamed they would be. There were fireworks in his chest, fog in his mind, and sun in his soul. It was as if everything in his life finally pieced together, if only for a brief moment and he never wanted to be apart from her. 

It was terrifying, beautiful, shocking, and earth-shattering all wrapped up into one kiss… one kiss that was ending, and when he felt her start to pull away he suddenly jumped into action. Any sort of fear or nerves keeping him from kissing her back like she deserved to be kissed disappeared the moment he was faced with the reality of her pulling away. He never wanted her to pull away, never wanted to be apart from her, he was not too sure on the logistics of it but he could quite happily spend the rest of his days with his lips pressed to hers. So her kissed her back, his one arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her further into him, one hand cupped her jaw to keep her in place, and he moved his lips purpofully against hers. Lips moving in a graceful dance, and he took a shot and gently nipped at her bottom lip, she whimpered and he was sure that was the only sound he ever cared to hear in his life again. 

But then a pointed cough entered his happy, lovely world, and he felt Lily’s hands press against his chest in order to gain some room. He was annoyed at for a moment, because who dare interrupt what could possibly the greatest moment of his life, but then he looked down into her face. Lily’s sweet, flushed, shy, smiling face, which was looking at him in awe and he didn’t mind anymore, because what could possibly be a better view than that.

He did, however, spend the remainder of the night glaring at the man who interrupted their kiss. But he did it with Lily leaning against his shoulder, hand tighly holding his, with her leaning up every once in a while to brush her lips against his jaw. So he didn't really mind, because as he glared at that old man he held the hand of the most amazing woman he ever met. 

XXX

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